Anger is the other face of Fear

Is it possible that:

A person who is very angry is actually
a person who is really scared?
Let us analyze this….
What is anger, and ….

When do we get angry?

  • When someone is taking advantage of us? 

Then anger is our way of trying to prevent loss or maintaining control of our  own personal space, or ownership… or even prestige.

  • When people do not listen to us? 
          Then we are fearful of losing our respect or control over the other person.
  • When people attack us?
          We get scared and retaliate, to protect ourselves and not get hurt… or maybe    when we have no other option? Or…are we scared that if we do not fight then
we are finished anyway?

  • When we have ‘suffered’ for too long? 

          Who made us ‘suffer’? Actually… no one did… WE CHOSE  to SUFFER… because we waited for the other person to change. So sad… all through the suffering, we had within us the switches to alleviate the suffering –  One switch is ACCEPTANCE. Another is FORGIVENESS.
Each of us is built to withstand a tremendous amount of challenges.  But when we do not bury yesterday... it continues to affect the rest of our lives.

Yesterday is dead. Bury it.

                                                Today is alive. Enjoy it.
In an anger filled relationship, people are scared that things are going down hill.. and in frustration, they are even willing to use force as a last resort to get the relationship back on track. Naturally this is not the way forward, and it only increases the gap.

If you are getting angry very often… remember, that you are using your last resort, and if it does work in the present… I assure you… it will only cause scars… that will harden the relationship in the long term.

On the other side… Every time you see someone angry, understand that the person is scared – of something. To understand how this phenomenon works, lets learn from nature…
A cobra flares its hood and hisses… only when it is trying to frighten off the other creature. If it wants to kill … the cobra will do so with stealth, and speed.
A rattle snake rattles only to tell you to back off… it is not trying to attack you, unless you get too close… In which case, it is reacting in self defense mode.
Annimals roar… and make frightening noises… to scare you… not to warn you that they want to kill you. They are saying I am powerful… STAY AWAY or don’t test me.
An angry person… is a person who is scared of losing prestige, power, money… or something that is very dear. That person shows anger only after trying other options… do give them a chance to cool down and talk to them to explain how you see the situation.
If it is YOU who are the angry one… The next time you get angry… remember this…
Whoever angers you… controls you.
Is it worth it to let your fear… through anger… spoil something valuable to you? I think.. controlling our fear is a better option. It is better to drop your anger… than  to let the relationship.

I wish you peace… and happiness… and total control of your emotions.

In my next blog, we will explore how to maintain healthy, happy relationships. Till then….

All the best.
Ian.

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