Peace and Happiness

In my last  blog on Understanding  emotions…. we discovered how
Anger is the other face of fear.

Now…lets consider what we can do about it.

Can we control our emotions?

The real question is …

Can we AFFORD
NOT to CONTROL our EMOTIONS?

Permit me to share a recent incident that would help us realize why we need to control our emotions.

A gentleman approached me in a rather depressed state. He has been married for about 15 years and his wife wanted to file for divorce. On probing, I found out that his wife’s reason for wanting the breakup, was his aggressive nature and his frequent anger outbursts. Before we met, he had already done a month of introspecting. He realized that his anger episodes, was his way of trying to get back his ‘control’ of a relationship that was not going his way. He was used to being the one who took the decisions, and prided himself on his ability and even maybe his ‘right’ to dominate. However while the outbursts gave him his ‘control’ but, below the surface, it had caused deep wounds and scars in the minds of his spouse and his kid. Unfortunately… until his wife asked for a divorce… he did not think that there was any real problem. Today … his aggression had been driven away by fear, dread and depression. The man was broken and shattered. Suicide has already been contemplated, attempted and luckily that was not successful. Life had come a full circle for him. Nemesis was not just a concept or a myth in Greek philosophy. It was the effect of what was caused by his actions and behaviour.

Repeated anger episodes will eventually result in creating fear in the victims, but eventually it would damage the perpetrator too. Anger… and its ugly manifestation through temper and violence will only ruin things for everyone.

When we lose our temper… we lose a lot more!

Here are some points to ponder:

  • It is easier to control the head than the heart.
  • Self control is essential for inner peace and calm.
  • Irritation is an early warning that should be noted, and resolved quickly.
  • Anger is a result of lost self control. Hopefully it can be recovered. Get professional help if you require it. It is far better to lower your ego… than to drop a relationship.
  • Continuous, unresolved anger is a killer that will surely require external professional help to resolve. We cannot afford to take chances with what we hold dear to us.

A calm mind brings Peace and HAPPINESS.

We have it within ourselves to resolve issues.The things that make us angry are surely things that are important to us, so here are some tips that we can use to understand it.
  • Put aside ego and false pride.
  • Do not indulge in an ALL or NOTHING game… go for WIN-WIN instead.
  • Love/respect need constant maintenance.
  • Sort out issues early. Waiting causes more damage.

We all need LUCK

    • Listen – to what the other person is experiencing (suppress the urge to tell)
    • Understand – Never Assume nor jump to conclusions.
    • Clarify – Its always better to be safe than sorry.
    • Know – Every loss is a lesson… and clarifications keep us safe. What we know today will surely help us tomorrow.

It is impossible to imagine a life without some mistakes/misunderstandings. The trick is to keep the mistakes to the bare minimum, and never let issues become problems.

Happiness is a state of mind and we can choose to operate from this position.
Peace is not the absence of war. Peace is knowing that whatever the situation, we can handle it.
I wish you Peace and Happiness.
Ian Faria.

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