SHOW HOW beats Know How

Had a chat with a young man a few days ago. He came with his parents… though he was a team lead at a large MNC. They wanted him to grow his confidence and improve his communication skills. They felt that he is not doing well because he lacked some capabilities. What was very interesting… is the response I got from both of them when I asked them what they wanted for their son from their programme.

The answers were along these lines:
He is very lazy. 
He speaks nonsense at times. 
He does not have confidence.
He is very argumentative.
He never listens.
He has to plan better.

Help them KNOW. Mane them GROW. What them SHOW

The list of complaints would have gone on… but I stopped them and asked the question again, but in a different way.
How would you like your son to improve?

And they gave practically the same set of answers… but added…

He watches too much TV.
He is on the phone too much…

Finally… I asked… Is there anything that is GOOD about your son?

The answer… Other than his negative points  … he is a good boy.

I seriously felt that the amount of negative inputs the parents gave… would have been the key cause to drill those negatives deeper into the son’s psyche. When we hear something repeatedly … we tend to internalize it in our sub-conscious.
Both the parents were pretty high up the corporate ladder… and must have had good sized teams reporting to them. I am sure… they would similarly be pointing out the faults of their team members or their direct reportees.

When are we going to realize… that …

We create reality through the things we say… and the things we do,
particularly if we are in an influential position… like a parent… or boss???

  • If we keep pointing out the negative traits in others… Will that make them gain positive traits?
  • If we do not have something nice to say about someone… How can they like us?
  • If people do not like us much…. Will they listen to what we have to say?
  • Isn’t it better to motivate people… Than to criticize them?

Lets bear this in mind…

WE are the Role Models. Then wouldn’t it be better if we improved ourselves first???
We could do this by reading books…. mixing with people who are more intelligent…. Attending  programmes that could build new capabilities.

Parents/Leaders should set the best example.

Have we forgotten that ….

  • A fruit does not fall far from the tree.
  • Teams and Families are more likely to become like the head of the family or like the most influential person in the group.
  • It is better to Show how something CAN BE done… than to say how badly it is being done.

The best way to teach is by EXAMPLE.

  •  Instead of saying He is lazy… it would be better to say…. He could be a little more enterprising.
  • In stead of …He speaks nonsense sometimes… say… He Could create a better impression by speaking more clearly.
  •  Instead of … He doesn’t have a plan…. say …He has good ideas, and could make a better plan.
Show How is far better than Know How.

Be the best… they will pick up the rest.

All the best,

Ian Faria.

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