Understanding MOODS and EMOTIONS

We somehow manage to control things around us.

Yet, our biggest challenge – is to control things inside us.

Recently during a counseling session with a couple. The lady, was rather dominating, and in control. She spoke in a steady, commanding voice, and glared like an amazon. The man seemed helpless. The lady repeatedly threatened the husband with separation/divorce.  At one stage, the husband got up and said that he was sick and tired of the constant threats and challenges. He said that he too would opt for a divorce. He seemed determined, as  he coolly  stated that he would immediately move out of the home and seek a legal remedy. Suddenly the lady snapped. She got up, started shouting, that this was not fair. She even burst out into tears,  and then in a paradoxical moment, she began  pleading with the husband – not to put her through this ‘trauma’. Her intermittent shrill cries and screams appeared as though she was being tortured. When things cooled down, and I asked them to behave like mature adults, she became normal, and even requested her hubby never to talk about divorce again. I had learnt a new lesson about human behaviour.

I had seen a familiar dimension of the emotional roller coaster. How could the mood swing from one extreme of threats and domination to the other extreme of submission and begging for a solution? Well for those of us who have seen/been through such situations, we know that it does happen. Could we prevent this from happening to us?

Can we be in total control of our emotions?

Man has always prided himself on his intellectual capacity. For centuries… Intelligence was considered a gift from the Gods. People worked hard to know more. They wanted to be educated – become a person of letters. Emotional displays were considered crass and low class. Some thought it was an evil, and civilized society looked upon it with disdain. The Japanese, consider it inappropriate to show any emotion at all, and people who display emotions are considered weak.

Then in the 70s came the revolution ushered in by new age psychological gurus like Daniel Goleman who exposed to the world to the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EI)  and Emotional Quotient (EQ). The world slowly adopted this line of thinking. Today a high EQ is considered by many, to be more important than IQ. This paradigm shift happened in the 90’s and brought many thinkers into discovering how to gain emotional control.

On a practical level, we know that our moods can make us or break us. Controlling mood will make a huge difference to our happiness quotient. Angry people are avoided like the plague. Extra sensitive people are considered emotional putty. People today realize that one needs to be sensitive, yet reasonably tough; easy going yet focused; nice yet assertive; likable yet firm.


The answer is YES! Our emotions are part of us, and they will rule from time to time. However, when we have to take decisions, we should have a fair mix of heart and head – emotions and logic. But first… we have to be aware of our emotions and how they change … why they change … and what can we do to be in control of ourselves and the way we react…. no … the way we RESPOND to those emotional triggers.

In my next blog… I will share HOW we can CONTROL our MOODS.

Meanwhile… have an emotionally balanced life… and soon we will make it BETTER!

Ian Faria.

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