Relationships are built on Expectations
Through over 30 years of counseling… and over 12 years of coaching… if I am asked to pinpoint one area that causes maximum disruption in relationships… it is EXPECTATIONs. Has expectation already extracted a big price in our past relationships? What have we learned? Is there a formula to sort out all relationships?
While there is no simple formula for overcoming the inherent driver of expectation, here are a few points to consider…
1. Is the way we see the world… the way it is???
NO! The world that we see… is a very tiny facet … or even a fragment… of what the world really is. Unless we try to see the world through other people’s eyes… we are fooling ourselves into thinking we have the best vantage point on the issue. This is particularly damaging in important relationships… like marriage… and boss-team, business partners … or sibling relationships. The price of misunderstanding is far too heavy to ignore.
2. Is what we consider the solution … really the Best one there is?
Again.. the answer may be yes… but most often …. there is a better way. We need to work continuously on improving and improvising what we do. Tomorrow’s world will require something better. Lets keep our eyes, ears… and mostly… our mind open to new and better ways to do things.
3. Are there many ways of seeing a situation or a challenge?
Absolutely. 10 people in a discussion will have 10 different ways of seeing the issue. That is why different governments in power see things differently. The party in power also thinks that they have been voted to power because people have backed their ideology or their mission. Maybe not. Maybe a particular party is chosen… because there are no better options. In a corporate setting… one gets a promotion for the great results achieved… or for the loyalty shown to the company. However, this does not give a boss a clear mandate to do only what he wants to do. Edward de Bono’s 6 Thinking Hats is a classic example of how to see something through 6 different viewpoints. Great way to get solutions.
4. Can I get what I want by helping other people get what they want? (Zig Ziglar)
Absolutely if we can work on our ability to add value to our world… the world sees us as being more valuable. When we work in reciprocal or mutually beneficial relationships… the benefit that accrues is enormous. In long term relationships like marriage… and family… it is ESSENTIAL that we understand that on a long journey… many differences will emerge. Lets look for consensus through discussions and dialogue. One way viewpoints will build resentment and cause distrust. Lets work towards long term goals and understanding the big picture. That is what is required for long term happiness.
Will the world look as myopic and one dimensional as before? I hope not…. for everyone’s sake.
Lets build a better, happier world through collaboration… instead of competition; through understanding instead of domination; through synergy rather than confrontation. Relationships are built on Expectations.
I wish you the best… and I wish you more.